Heaven or Hell on Earth

I am getting so bad at keeping up with posting. It's been a long time since December 2012, when I last posted. I have come to an understanding about my painful past. I have relived many of the most painful incidents from my past. I am guessing that I have carried out the hypervigilance for the sake of protecting me from the painful incidents from recurring. It's like PTSD. I have taken inventory about the consequences of consigning myself to mentally staying in the painful past. It constitutes a distortion of my model of my world, in that I had been expecting the painful incidents to interject into my present and future. I have been impoverishing my perception of the present by expecting more ill deeds, as in my past. By remaining mentally in the painful past, I am preventing myself from being happy in the present. I am in a contented relationship with my husband, Jon.

My life, as a retired teacher, is going well, and though I am not wealthy by any means, my needs are, for the most part, taken care of. I am getting better about calming my hypervigilance and being in touch with my happy present. I am coming to understand that the true meaning of heaven or hell is that one either chooses to live presently in joy, or in pain. I am beginning to choose joy.