Bye, Heidi.

This is a pic of my beloved Heidi. Though you might not recognize it, she was a Bearded Collie (think Tim Allen in "The Shaggy Dog"). It was summer, and she got shaved every year to keep her cooler.

I remember when my first partner and I were looking for a dog. We went to the King County Animal Shelter, and I didn't see anything that I wanted there. We went to the Seattle City Animal Shelter, and I didn't see anything there that I wanted either. Then we went to the Seattle-King County Humane Society Shelter in Bellevue.

Now understand that there are dogs of all kinds jumping up and barking loudly in all these shelters. But I came upon one little girl who was sitting in the middle of her enclosure. She had these sad eyes that pleaded, "Please get me out of here. I don't like the noise."

I replied to her out loud, "I know how you feel." Turning to my partner, I said, "That's my dog."

She came home that afternoon, and she had been mine until she needed to be put down, on April 15, for old age: kidney problems and arthritis. I mean, when she can't stand up to eat or poop anymore, then she is suffering.

Bye-bye, baby-dog. I miss you.

Out of the Darkness

Wow, that was a pretty dark entry I put in last.

I have come around to discovering some things:

1] Industry leads to happiness

2] I can be happy when I live life fully

3] Life and love are around the corner

1 - I worked on the house most of the month of March and all of the month of April. Now, understand, I have always detested working on the house or yard. As I kept persisting, working on the house, I discovered that I enjoyed the work, and that the work made me feel more alive and happy, as well as improved my physical condition. I actually like working on the house. Ironically, I am discovering that Arbeit Macht Frei, i.e., Work Makes You Free, but in a different way than in the Third Reich. If it is work that I choose, and I do it with good quality, then I become freer. I like making that happen.

Talk about major paradigm shift!

2 - I had closed myself off. My life had walls that were closing in. I let my life happen that way. I have learned that I have control over what I do, and that the doing can bring me joy.

3 - I have analyzed my past behavior when in relationships, and I believe that I am a codependent to sex addicts. I have been learning about codependency, and what I have let my life become. I am learning to set and maintain proper boundaries. I am learning that others are not my responsibility to control. I am learning to take better care of myself, emotionally and physically.

It has been hot here in the Pacific Northwest (not the Pacific Northwet today), and I have just put in the AC in my room. I have decided that I can tolerate one isolated day of heat, but we are in for a string this week, and the AC needs to go in.

C'est suffit pour maintenant.