OMG, It's been such a long, long time since I posted. Since I am pretty sure that hardly anyone ever reads this, so then I guess that I can just ramble.
I have been attending 12 step meetings for my codependence. I am working on my fourth step, which is to list a moral inventory. Step 4, Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. I.e., what I have done that dysfunctional.
This has been a tortuous and torturous process. It seems that it has taken forever. I have documented all that I have done dysfunctionally and much of the abuse that has been done to me. The latter is important, as it indicates my dysfunctional responses to the abuse done to me. I am not sure as to when I will be "done" with step 4, however.
I see that I have lived most of my life in despair, and I am learning that by meditation and centering my mind, I can begin to reprogram myself out of this despair.
It is refreshing.
Jon and I have been together almost two years now, and we have decided to become married in August. After some difficult trials together that we have faced successfully, I am confident that making this step is the right one. I am doing my utmost not to become a bridezilla though. Fortunately from my 12 step meeting, I have some wonderful friends who are very supportive in planning all of this.
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